Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Nexusville Podunkers

Hey! I've got news for you!

All over the United States, people are working hard to keep sex offenders OUT of their towns! It seems that Onamia is unique in wanting to keep sex offenders IN. Hannabelle's future project, filling the Mille Lacs area with sex offenders is going to be easier than I first thought.

I read an article last night about it. (Several, actually). Sex offenders have been moving into Minnesota, where they can quite easily avoid being tracked, monitored, or classified. When they come here from other states, they just fade into society and disappear. There are hundreds of Level 3 sex offenders (the most dangerous kind) already here. Nobody knows for sure how many there are, because they lose track of them all. Lots. And more are coming! Just think about what will happen when homeless sex offenders from all over the country find out that the Podunkers in Onamia - the CITY COUNCIL, fer christsake, bend over to service sex offenders. The town will be flooded with them. (Although it seems we already are...) Justice makes Hannabelle a happy panda.

Most towns change their zoning ordinances to prohibit sex offenders from settling in residential areas. For example, sex offenders are not allowed within 2000 ft of daycare or schools - any place where children might be. Not our town. The Podunkers in Nexusville are putting our sex offenders by three daycare centers, making sure that our sex offenders have everything they need! They put the juvenile sex offenders right IN the school. Nobody knows who has the HIV AIDS virus. Nobody cares? Naw. These convicted sex offenders are interacting sexually with local sons and daughters - and nobody cares. (They have more trouble with the town kids, remember?) So who cares? Nobody in Onamia seems to. Nobody in Mille Lacs County. When their kids get AIDS, maybe they'll care.... or perhaps they'll be appeased when the town holds fundraisers for them. Nexusville loves that kind of thing. They love a good show of support.

The sex offenders at the Mille Lacs Academy have been placed here to protect the communities where they live (they aren't our kids...). Counties throughout Minnesota must breathe a sigh of relief that there is a place where people are so blind, deaf, and DUMB that they actually look to the problem perverts as some kind of asset!
Mayor Bully Milton and Commissioner Frank Courteau, and especially Councilman Bill Write-in Hill all think they know what's best for us. They've decided that Democracy, Constitutional Rights, etc. are obsolete. They've seen the future! And their vision is that sex offenders will save the dying town. The town killed by the Podunkers' previous lack of vision and poor management...

I know, I know. This is a really stupid idea. But this is a town of STUPID R US. Sig Heil! However, not everyone in Mille Lacs County is stupid. Lazy, apethetic, mis-informed, yes. Stupid, no. There is sure to be a temendous backlash when the voters finally figure out how they have been corn-holed by these elected Podunkers. Wait until they feel it in their updated TAX statements. Surprise!

The Podunkers will be gone someday, and that's something that would really improve Onamia. Unfortunately, much like President Bush, the Podunkers are leaving a big clean-up job in their wake. Of course, the town will still be filled to capacity with sex offenders. I guess that makes Nexusville a special place to live.

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