Saturday, October 20, 2007

A Foot in the Stirrup

Dear Readers,

You may have noticed that I haven't been around much lately. This has not been my choice, I assure you. The MLA Hannabelle-Hate Club will be delighted to know that I've been seriously ill, but they will be disappointed to hear that I am probably going to live. I'm out of the hospital and back home. I'm not back in the saddle yet, but I do have one foot in the stirrup.

I don't know who or what the Hannabelle-Haters think I am... some kind of monster who is mean to poor, troubled boys? Wants to destroy the town? Some nasty bitch causing trouble for MLA employees? The ridiculous accusations and irrational hatred towards me - just because I don't want a sex offender institution in my neighborhood - still amazes me. I'm just a solitary disabled old lady who doesn't give a hoot about your sex offenders or small town politics or the stupidity of the city council. The world is absurd. I want no part of it. I'm a hermit. Really, I just want to be left alone. Keep in mind: They invaded my space. I didn't intrude upon them.

Eleven years ago I had a life-threatening health crisis which terminated my life as it was. I lost everything - my health, my career, my "bright future" - and "retired" to my little farm outside of Onamia. During what I call my "internship" at the Mayo Clinic, I learned that when the end comes, as it will come to everyone, all that matters is biology. When you are struggling to stay alive, I mean REALLY struggling, nothing else matters except staying alive. You'd be surprised how little most anything matters in the end. Biology and your loved ones. That's it. All those little things that you've worried about all your life just disappear. Poof. Gone. Insignificant. When the end comes, I can guarantee that Nexus won't matter to any of us. Those sex offenders won't matter. You won't be thinking about the next presidential election. Is it raining? (who cares). What's for dinner? What is Brittany doing today? ... None of it matters. For me, the only thing that mattered was my next breath and that my family was with me. And I survived - with a new perspective. Someday you'll probably understand what I mean.

Larry Milton doesn't realize these things yet. But I'm sure he will find out for himself. Everybody does. Whatever Larry's reasons for doing this to me - yes - to me... I take this extremely personally.... he will find out that the kind of crap he's pulling is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. People speak about making their mark, making a difference, leaving a legacy, etc. I used to call it "peeing on your tree". But you know, it always rains eventually and your mark usually gets washed away faster than you'd have thought possible. All of us will die and almost all of us will be forgotten.

Last week, after being in remission for the last ten years, I had a relapse. I really do blame it on what the city council and Nexus has put me through these past six months. I've been unable to rest. The constant stress of fighting these bullies, of trying to save my neighborhood finally caught up with me, wreaking havoc with my health until finally I ended up in the Emergency Room. Maybe my anger just overpercolated until I blew some internal gaskets! I dunno! But being so sick, I was reminded once again what is important. To me, what matters (beyond biology and loved ones) is that we conduct ourselves with integrity, stand up for our principles, mind our own business and be kind as often as possible. Life isn't about fame or fortune or who has the most toys. Life isn't about "winning". To me, Life is precious and fragile and should be treated as such. Being a good person is what counts.

Nexus, in my opinion, has not treated the people of Onamia with respect or with dignity or as if we are even human beings worthy of acknowledgement. They are rich, arrogant elitists who think they reign over the common little "hicks" in Onamia. They think they can take what they want from us. They feel superior and therefore entitled. They look down upon all of us. Jim D'Angelo told me that the people in my neighborhood are "bad people". That's what he said. The upper echelon at Nexus all think they are better than us. Not just me.... all of us.

Nexus came into my life uninvited. They have threatened to ruin my life, have ruined my life, and there is nothing I can do to stop them. While I was in the hospital, I got a letter from Nexus' lawyers. Nexus intends to sue me for the newspaper and this blog. That's right. Sue Hannabelle for telling the Truth. When I saw them stealing, I pointed and shouted "THIEF!" They didn't like that, did they? So.... look at them. See them for what they are. See their true colors. And pay their taxes for them if they've convinced you that you need them. (They don't want you to see that they need us!)

I have a lot of catching up to do on the Mille Lacs News. I'm the only webmaster. But please be aware that Nexus can't intimidate me into silence. They created a desperate situation with a person who really has nothing left to lose. What are they going to take from me? My oxygen tank? I bet that they would too! I hope they do sue me. I can't wait to go to court with them and let everyone see the big multi-million dollar corporation bully the disabled musician whose trying to protect her 84 year old mother and save their homes. That would be quite a show, wouldn't it? That will be something to live for....


Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear you have been so sick but I must share a secret with you...
Anyone, and I mean anyone filled with as much hate and bitterness and resentment is going to bring about dis-ease in their body.
I know there's no changing you or your mind on any this issue but you are hurting yourself more than they are by not finding the possible good that could come from this.
I would love to sign my name but I never want to be associated with this site or the information on it.

take care

Hannabelle said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your comment. Let me see if I have this right: You are blaming ME for bringing on my illness because of my inherant hate and bitterness and resentment. You are NOT blaming NEXUS or the city for causing my hate and bitterness and resentment. They are not hurting me - I am hurting myself? hmmm. It is my own fault that I'm sick? I brought it on myself? hmmm. A very interesting perspective... Do you also feel that I deserve it?

As far as any possible good - well, under these particular circumstances, no good will come of forcing a sex offender facility into a residential neighborhood. This is government gone awry. The principles which are being violated are being ignored by people who can't see the forest for the trees. You'll find that out eventually. After its too late, of course.

Personally, I never wanted to be associated with this site or the information on it either. (I have better things to do with the rest of my life.) But NEXUS didn't exactly give me a choice, did they? They started this war. I didn't.

There is a simple solution. They should renovate Crosier and stay there. Then everyone would be happy.


Anonymous said...



psychodad said...

They should renovate Crosier and stay there? interesting, hmm and everyone would be happy is that right? Or would it just make you happy? As long as it stays in town you would be deliriously happy as long as it doesn't affect you how self centered and narrow minded. If they pay taxes would you be bitching so loud? Hope to see you at the meeting on the 1st

Hannabelle said...

Dear anonymous #2,

Thank you! I appreciate that! (You must not be a local, huh.)Please keep reading. Tell your friends!

Thanks again,

Hannabelle said...

Dear psycho,

Go fuck yourself.


Anonymous said...

It's pretty sad that you feel the need to resort to nasty comments when someone disagrees with you or makes a point. It's a sign of immaturity or a ignorance. Take your pick.

John D said...

Hannabelle claims that Nexus has done nothing for this community? What has Hannabelle ever done for this community? I've lived here for a long time, and I've never even meet her or heard of her until this situation came about. How can she know what Nexus does or doesn't do for Onamia when she hides out there in Bradbury? I know a lot of disabled people who live in this community, and the people around here seem more than willing to look out for them. Why is it that no one seems interested in looking out for Hannabelle?

Hannabelle said...

Dear John D,

Thank you for your comment. I was expecting to hear from you today.

It sounds a bit unfair and unreasonable to compare the philanthropic capabilities between a multi-million dollar corporation with a 38 million dollar annual budget and one disabled gal on a small, fixed income. If I'd had the kind of money NEXUS has, I'd at least have donated a park bench or something... maybe a swimming pool... But that was before. Now I wouldn't kick in for an Onamia Days button. One of the things I have done for my community is: PAY MY TAXES! Not only has NEXUS never paid its fair share, now they are seeking tax abatement so that they don't have to pay any taxes in the future, dumping their burden on the rest of us - people who PAY taxes. Nope. I don't think you can compare NEXUS to Hannabelle.

And don't worry that nobody looks out for Hannabelle... It isn't true. I have a wonderful network of friends whom I greatly appreciate. Its no surprise that you wouldn't know them. They don't run in your pack.

Just because I'm hiding in Bradbury, or at least trying to hide - if only you'd let me, doesn't mean that I don't know a lot of things about a lot of people in this very small town. I have my sources.

Nice try, John D. See you at the tax abatement meeting.


Anonymous said...

Bring a copy of your tax statement with you to the meeting for proof that you pay your taxes. You cannot be found on the county rolls. Only your mother shows up. Could it be that the real tax fraud here is you and not the Byes? I'm sure the "unbiased" Mille Lacs News will keep us abreast of this situation.

Hannabelle said...

Dear Anonymous #3,

Thanks for your comment. Were you referring to me telling Randy to go fuck himself? Yes. I agree it was nasty. But you see, sometimes I just get sick of his harassment.

hmmm. A choice... Let's see... I pick immaturity!!! (It keeps me young.) Actually, most of the commenteers disagree with me, but few ever make a point. They just bash Hannabelle. :( I have to claim self-defense. I get so disgusted with being provoked. You should see the comments that are too personal and too awful to get posted! Wow-ee-oh-boy! Even Hannabelle has her limits!

Anyway, YOUR point is well-taken.