Saturday, August 11, 2007

Out Damn Spot!

I almost hate to ask this, but... has anyone noticed that I am not a writer? Oh, I basically know my way around the keyboard and I don't begin each post with "It was a dark and stormy night" (although it WAS a dark and stormy night LAST night, so I could probably get away with that one this morning.) No, I don't claim to be a writer. My folks weren't English professors and my sister wasn't an English major. Perhaps I chose to express myself in music because word-writing wasn't my forte, (but more like my mezzo-piano). My grammar sometimes sucks. I'm not clever or eloquent in self-expression despite the mandatory Freshman Creative Writing 101 I took back in 1973. I have, for some reason forgotten how to spell 90. (Is it ninety or is it ninty?) I get my "its" and "it's" mixed up, (but unlike Mr. Clinton, at least I generally know how to define the "it" we're talking about.) Threading words together is quite humbling, but I do the best I can. Its (it's) true that my "pen" may not be "mightier than the sword," (although every now and then my keyboard kicks ass!)

And that's good because right now, there's plenty of ass that needs kicking.

Last night I received a comment from somebody who calls themself "Tired of the Whining." And after my flippant reply to the comment, in which I acknowledged (if not defended) my whinage, I thought perhaps he has a point. Maybe I'm coming across all wrong. Hannabelle is not usually a whiner. In my last post, I did whine that other people have Happy Blogs when I'm stuck writing about the horrible situation facing my neighborhood. Poor me. Yep. I guess you could get Tired of the Whining. Of course, when you change your name to Fed Up With The Whining, you don't have to come back and read my blog now, do ya? On the other hand, I'm trapped here. I can't "switch" channels and make it all go away. Despite my objections, the sex offenders are still coming. (No pun intended).

Personally, this has been the most emotional time of my entire life. Why? you ask. Why don't you just "get over it" and accept your fate? you ask. Why don't you quit your whining and get on with your life? you ask.

Because I am me. I'm not one of those who voted for Bush because "he's a Godly man". In fact, I didn't vote for Bush at all. I hate what he's done to this country. I despise how We, the People have changed in the past few years. Not only are our Constitutional rights being snatched away, one by one, by our own government, the People themselves are tossing them away as if we're riding on a float, our rights are beads and this is Mardi Gras in New Orleans! This Onamia Takeover is a fine example of what you can expect from now on, folks. Unless you get your own blog... I stand in defiance of what is wrong. As should we all. Either stand, or just roll over and die. Its your choice.

Perhaps this Homeland Security deal isn't an international thing. Just look over your shoulder and smile at your Big Brother.

Whether or not the pud-pullers move in, my life in Onamia is over. I realized that on April 18. I don't want to stay in this community any more. Too many ishy people. But circumstances also prevent me from leaving. Besides, with the sex offenders on their way, my property values will drop tremendously (if I could even find a buyer). How will I be able to replace my home? Why SHOULD I?

Okay. I do get emotional. Wouldn't you? Maybe not. But, I'm not actually whining, and I apologize if it sounds like I am. I wish I was a better wordsmith.

How about an analogy? Let's talk about dogs for a minute. I love dogs. Go ahead and compare Hannabelle to a dog. I'd be honored.

Dog #1. Have you ever heard your new puppy whining because he is scared of The Cat, who has puffed herself up to look big and mean? Hannabelle is not afraid of big puffy cats.

Dog #2. Have you ever seen a waggy-tail dog express submission to their master by whining, squatting and peeing? Get real. Hannabelle squats and pees for no one.

Dog #3. Some dogs whine desperately while begging for treats. Hannabelle whines not. And stick your treats where the sun don't shine.

Dog #4. Now, if a dog gets his leg caught in a trap, not only does he whine in agony, he might actually snap and bite. We're getting warmer. Hannabelle is trapped and in pain.

Dog #5. But, for a moment, think about how a guard dog (perhaps a Doberman) reacts to an intruder who is trying to infiltrate the "estate". Does she whine? No. She barks and barks and barks! If the intruder doesn't heed the warning, she growls and snarls, bares her teeth. If the intruder is smart, he'll back off in a hurry and go elsewhere to steal. This dog protects the property against any would-be thieves. And she is relentless in her cause.

So, if I have come across as a whining, squatting, peeing pup, I take full responsibility as an amature writer who isn't very gifted with words. When I get a comment from someone who calls themself "Tired of the Barking, Growling, Snarling, Teeth-baring, and Biting", I will be pleased to note the improvement of my writing skills. (Or should that be: improvement in my writing skills. Damn.)


Anonymous said...

You have more in common with Bush than anyone else in the community! Neither of you support the rehabilitation of juvenile offenders. You seem to prefer locking them up in jail far away so they can become even creepier, and more sophisticated adult preditors. You are the ishiest person in Onamia. No One will miss you here!!!

Hannabelle said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your comment.

I hate to tell you you're wrong, but you're wrong... I'm not the ishiest person in Onamia. I am the ishiest person in Bradbury Township. You won't find any ishier on this side of the Rum. I'm also wicked, mean, and nasty and you should probably avoid me at all costs. Keep away! Stay back! I've got BO, bad breath, and my socks stink. My eyes shoot daggers, my teeth are razor-sharp, and then there's my chronic perpetual flatulence. (Works just like tear gas.) You don't want to come anywhere near ME.

Like everyone else, I support the rehabilitation of juvenile offenders - through my tax dollars. But I'd rather not. I am not responsible for them. I didn't create their problems, (however right now they seem to be causing a lot of mine). By the way, who is going to build a ball field for your sex offenders' victims? Who is going to pay for their counselling?

Whatever your personal reasons, obviously you feel some sort of responsibility towards your sex offenders. I'm beginning to believe there must be quite a bit of incest and child abuse in Onamia. That might explain things.

Anyway, its great that no one will miss me. Fantastic! It makes it that much easier for you to leave me behind. You won't even have to send me a postcard! Gather up your beloved sex offenders and get them the hell out of my neighborhood. No one here wants them here. Put them some place where someone (like you) will coddle and nurture them.

Nobody over here will miss YOU either. Competition is tough in town, but YOU just might be the ishiest person in Onamia yourself.


TDog said...

that's the most lame response I've ever read. Why are you rattling cages if you're already leaving? Making the following statement, "Whatever your personal reasons, obviously you feel some sort of responsibility towards your sex offenders. I'm beginning to believe there must be quite a bit of incest and child abuse in Onamia. That might explain things." Is designed to do nothing less than pi$$ people off. In this day and age, you may want to consider being a little more diplomatic with your statements.

Hannabelle said...

Dear tdog,

Thank you for your comment. My re$pon$e to your comment i$ $o undiplomatic that for the $ake of diplomacy, I'll re$pond by $imply $aying: Thank you for your comment.